haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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