Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
