??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
