Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
