I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
