I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
