So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
