i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
