Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
