im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
try to milk me bitch
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