So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
