it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize