plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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