I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize