a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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