He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
