He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
