Whod you bang
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
