In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
