you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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