Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
