first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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