I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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