My liver just broke up with me...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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