Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
