i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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