I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
