So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
