I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
