just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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