Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
FUCK WHALES
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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