ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
