this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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