ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
