You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Floor bacon is actually really good
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
