Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
