doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize