I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
