ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Randomize
