Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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