This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
