your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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