Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We left the knife in your bed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
