On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
