All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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