defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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