OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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