the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize