PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
