I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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