Buhtt sex?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
