the condom got lost in my hair
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The Olympian is in my bed
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
