i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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