in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
