im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
