If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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