When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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