I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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