Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
