when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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