I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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