nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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