my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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