I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize