Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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