she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
