yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
