i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
