Just cropdusted the office
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
two words...techno handjob
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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