He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
