you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
