God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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