So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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