i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
handjob tips. give me some.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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