im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
