We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
