Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
