I just made out with a guy for $7.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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