It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
