I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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