Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
