just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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