that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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