question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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