I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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