You really coming over, don't trick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
