Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
