Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
