you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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