who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
