two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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