i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
