im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
