3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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