The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
